Why are the ladies being Nasty?
There’s an obvious increase in the amount of sexual memes and social media posts, especially from the female audience. All over social media, women are being outward about their pleasure, what they like/dislike, and it’s making those of the less expressed, clutch their pearls.
So why are the ladies being nasty?
Well, as a tantric practitioner, working with women and men on healing sexual trauma, I see a tremendous need for communication, particularly in the area of female sexuality. Men don't know what women like because we've been shamed and scared out of expressing that part of our being. In the meantime, women are unsatisfied and unfulfilled, while the men remain falsely confident or confused.
Men want, "A lady in the streets, but a FREAK in the sheets"
This is the ultimate mixed message. Being a sexual woman is only acceptable in secret, but if anyone finds out, you're a whore, a slut, and no longer wifey material. It's like a women is not allowed to be a full person. Instead, we are burdened with the Dr. Jekyl/ Mr. Hyde complex to control our sexuality for the comfortability of men. When it's time to go out, shut that shit down. It’s not normal, or socially accepted to be a sexual woman that’s out about it.
So let's talk about SEX!
Sex used to be something only wives did, FOR their husbands, not WITH them. But the old ignorant days of laying there and taking it til he comes are over. Now we got questions!
What about my pleasure and orgasm?
Is my pussy broken because I don’t have orgasms in under 5 minutes?
And the hardest question to address, HOW do I get more out of sex?...
Well, you gotta talk about it!
That’s where a lot of us ladies are, we want more focus and attention put on our pleasure and it's not always easy to talk about it or make requests. We want men to want to learn our bodies, and savor the sex like a dripping popsicle on a hot Summer Day.
After years of sexual repression, not advocating for our pleasure and still giving ALL the pleasure…we CAN and we SHOULD talk about our sex, LOUDLY.
Men have been being nasty forever, and it’s normalized, accepted, and encouraged. “Boys will be boys” is the bullshit we’ve been fed that allows men to freely exercise their freak, to the point where women suffer emotionally and physically from it. For example, blatant misogyny and pussy grabbing didn’t cost that president D.T. a thing, including the election. The Stanford rapist, Brock Turner, who only got a slap on the rape wrist because they didn’t want to “ruin his future.” It's time for women to get the same respect for our sexuality, the same SAFETY anyone should feel in these streets, no matter what they're wearing or doing.
Express yourself because you have the right!
It’s about time women advocate for their freedom of sexual expression and pleasure without being attacked for it. We COULD go on allowing ourselves to be checked, and our light dimmed, but fuck that, we have a life to live!
Explore your body, find out what you like and let them know. If you can't have a safe space to talk about sex with your man, then he has no business in your body.
The greatest support to healing our sexual expression is first normalizing it through open communication.
By freely expressing, whether on social media, or just being yourself unapologetically everyday, you inspire other women to do so, and this can definitely normalize female sexual expression. Patriarchal society has conditioned us to feel shameful about our sex. We can't change society, or men, but we can change ourselves and demand the RESPECT we deserve. Let's finally start to undo years of negative conditioning that made us embarrassed about our sex in the first place!
On the other end of the rope, men need to hold space for female sexual expression.
That means, we need you to not assume a freaky Ig post, a sexy outfit, or a “Hello” is an invitation for sex.
I get it guys, sometime's you see a sexy woman and perhaps are looking for signals when they aren’t there. It’s like when we like someone, we look for clues they like us back, but most of that is perceived according to our desires, what we WANT to see. Respect her sexy space and WAIT for an obvious invitation.
“It’s a guy thing they’re just horny all the time and need to get off.”
Well shit, I’m horny all the time too but I don’t go around grabbing dudes in rompers!
Please men, hold space for sexy... like it, respectfully comment, admire and ask questions. Social media is a platform where we can gain knowledge and understanding of each other, change perspectives, and get ideas. I mean, if you can see what kind of kinky posts YOUR woman likes…hint hint honey.
So keep posting and expressing your nasty self ladies! As a society, we obviously have the power to normalize behaviors and beliefs. Eventually, more women will break out of their shell, start asking for shit, demanding respect and expecting more pleasure from sex.
For men, approach female sexual expression with support rather than judgement. Lead with an open heart until you receive an invitation for your hard cock.
Sexual expression is our human right, and as women, we need to take back that freedom for the sake of empowering and healing the world!
A sexually repressed woman is not only subduing her sex, but her spirit...Set her spirit free and a sexually expressed woman is one you can’t sleep on.
-Lead with Love
Courtney Garner, Tantra Expert & Self Care Coach